Everything is Smaller

I suppose since it's about midway through my stay in this fair country, I should update y'alls on what goin on.

Normally I wait until some extraordinary to blog about anything, but since my arrival here, everything's been that. I've just been waiting around for a few seconds of normalness so I had enough time to write a bit. Also, since giving you all the details of everything that's happened since I last blogged would take close to two weeks, I'll just give you a few highlights. I'll start with my main findings about the country in general:

Everything is smaller

Well, it's shorter at least, and that makes sense considering the majority of the population could legally be considered midgets. This is something I don't think my 5 foot-nothing sister ever really took notice of, but for normal sized Canadian people like me, it's been a little different to get used to. Most of the stuff that's been "downsized" hasn't bothered me so much as the kitchen sink in my sister's house. Every stinkin' time I go to do the dishes, I end up with a horrible back cramp for the next couple hours. Not sure if it's just me or not, but I seem to have that kinda crap happen to me when I take on the posture of the hunchback of Notre Dame for more than 20 minutes. And yes- it does take longer than 20 minutes to cleanse the ceramic aftermath of a Vanderberg/Fraser sustenance inhaling session. Much longer.

The traffic isn't traffic, it's chaos

I've heard it said that traffic in the Americas is as to wood, as china traffic is to water. We have traffic laws, and obey them. China has something more like "traffic guidelines" and they're in no way similar to ours. It's practically a requirement to cut people off pretty regularly in traffic if you want to make it any further than ten feet from whence you came. It's sort of a "eat or be eaten" driving culture here, although the phrase might more accurately be verbalized "drive, or be driven over".

You can get away with nearly anything if you smile, ignore people's Chinese ramblings and pretend you don't understand the universal hand signal for "STOP!".

It also helps that since I'm Caucasian, everything I do is more entertaining to the Asians simply because my skin color is different than theirs. If I were to try to limbo under a security gate in the US, I'd probably get yelled at, but here? Nope. I just get laughed at. I don't even mind that, because as I don't live here, I have no form of "self image" to try to keep up. I'm just the goofy white guy who plays ukulele and sings really loud in falsetto in public. Dignity, you have no power over me here. MWAHAHAHA!

Piracy is so common, I'm under the impression no one here even knows it's illegal. 

It's pretty basic knowledge here that any file you buy that's being held on a compact disc is going to cost around 10 RMB (just less than 2 bucks). I believe this is due to the fact that people don't actually pay to have movies, video games, various software install packages, or music albums shipped in from legitimate distributes  Everything here is illegally burned to a disc, and sold in strip malls all over the place. I now feel significantly less guilty about the various files I've torrented through the years. I know, two wrongs don't make a right, but three lefts do.

The food is simply heavenly

I believe this is self explanatory  If you need further details about the amazingness of the food here, just imagine, like, deep fried goat ribs marinated in papaya juice. Are you imagining? Great, now imagine something even BETTER than that! That's Chinese food.

There's more, but I'll save it for some other time. Right now I'm super tired. I'm going to go get some sleep (and if you know me, you'd know that when I say this it actually means I'm going to go waste another hour or so browsing the internet and listening to music, and then end up watching a movie or something).

Anywho, 'night world.

CHINA ADVENTURES: PART 1 - The ascent, descent, and landing

It's 22 minutes into the flight, and I'm already bored... Sure flying is fun- at least, taking off and landing is. The 14 hours in between isn't quite as amusing. I stupidly spent the evening two nights ago uploading some movies onto a computer I wasn't even bringing with me so I would have something to watch on the plane. Now I'm stuck with about an hour and a half of battery life (there aren't any outlets on this jet, unfortunately) and a few old GBA roms to kill a bit of time.

I have made a few friends though. The flight director (I think that's what his position was) was really nice, and smiled at everyone as he helped them find how to get to there flight and check their bags in. I met a woman as I was walking to my seat who had an extremely cute son with a crazy haircut. I didn't ask, but I assumed he was about 6 or 7 months old. As I waved and smiled at the little birthling, I could only thing of my own nephew, Aaron, who I'm going to get to be hanging out with in a matter of hours.

I also spent a while getting to know the man sitting beside me, who is an electrician. He seems like he's good at his job, although he says he doesn't like it much. Apparently handling hundreds of watts of energy that could easily be used to electrocute any person that stands in his way is a little more boring than it sounds.

I have to say, I'm kind of disappointing with the state of the jet. I was under the impression there would be outlets and WIFI, but I guess we didn't pay enough for our tickets for anything like that. There's still some sort of console in the seat in front of me that you can apparently watch movies on and stuff, but I've yet to take the time to figure out.

Anyway... There isn't much going on right now, so I don't have much of anything interesting to write about. I should probably use all this free time to do something productive. Maybe I'll write a short story? Maybe I'll write a song? Maybe I'll sleep? Yeah... I'm sleeping. Sleep sounds really amazing right now.


... *13 hours later*


Remember how I said I was going to sleep? That didn't happen. I realized today that I  can't sleep on planes. I did, however, spend some time writing music and stuff. I listened to at least 8 or 9 full albums of music (which I always love doing) and watched a few movies on the in flight entertainment system, but no, I didn't really sleep.

As of now, I'm in a hotel bedroom in Beijing because the flight took too long to get us our baggage so we couldn't get on the connecting flight to Kunming. When we first landed, we spent a good 40 minutes waiting for our bags to arrive, thinking that they might have just been tossed on the next flight without us. I entertained myself by planting my feet on one side of the baggage claim room, sprinting to the middle, and then sliding the entire rest of the way of my slippers. It was great fun, and I'm glad I had a chance to experience the airport to it's fullest potential.

After we finally got out bags, the airport crew was supposed to drive us to a hotel. The thing was, we had 10 suitcases and 5 carry on bags all two fit in 3 mini buses  Normally that wouldn't be a problem, but when you add about 30 natives to the vans with all of their baggage too, you begin to wonder if that tiny space left in the last taxi is actually big enough to fit a human being in. Somehow, we got everyone loaded up and to the hotel, though nearly all of those who got on last were either sitting on someone's knee, or the arm of someone else's chair. It was a very intimate experience, and I feel like I got to know the many Chinese strangers on a deeper level than I usually get to know strangers. The language barrier didn't even seem to matter when we were all piled up together within an inch of actually crushing one another.

Anywho, we got some help from the hotel crew and ended up getting all of our baggage hauled off the mini buses and into the hotel. Now, I'm going to actually try to sleep. We'll see how this goes. Until morning, this is Garrett Signing off.

...*3 days later*

Huh, I still haven't posted this on my blog... I guess I should write about what went on since where I left off.

We all got up fine the next morning, save for the fact that the younger ones' alarm clock went fast and woke them up at 3 in the morning. We got all our suitcases packed up into yet another undersized vehicle and filed into the airport to grab some breakfast before the flight. There wasn't any western food in the whole place, so the few of us who actually liked Chinese food gobbled up our dumplings and noodles while the others ate the two Mandarin oranges that came with our meals. When we finally got ourselves seated in the plane, we were pleasantly surprised to find out that because the people who booked the front (most spacious) seats didn't show up, we were allowed to sit there instead. Words cannot explain how nice it was being able to stretch my legs right out during the flight instead of being cramped up into the completely inhuman posture the stewardesses of the previous plane called "sitting".

We arrived in Kunming late, but Deanna and Drew (my sister and brother in law) were more excited to see us than upset about having to wait in the airport for 2 hours. We finally had a chance to get some slightly more western tasting food at the Chinese version of KFC. With the help of one of Deanna and Drew's friends, we loaded all of our 10 suitcases, 5 carry-ons, and 2 computers into their van. The ride back to Deanna's apartment wasn't nearly as unbearable as the flight to Beijing, especially since I was finally reunited with my sister. We were a little cramped in the van, but the ride was only around an hour and a half.

We piled out of the car into what still seems like some sort of resort. Honestly, the place is beautiful. I thought I couldn't be any more impressed until we actually set foot in my sister's apartment. This place is great, I'm so happy to be staying here. For some reason I originally had the impression that it was going to be super tiny and crampy with no extra room to walk around, but there are 3 bedrooms, two decks, and a really spacious living room. As usual, I ended up being the one voted to sleep on the couch.

The next day was pretty interesting as well. We took a tour of the local market just down the street from Deanna's apartment. I brought my ukulele around writing songs about the people I saw and singing to them in high pitched voices. I got a lot of weird looks, but hey, I'm in China. I have no identity here, and thus, have no reason to cling to any form of dignity.

Anyway, after making friends with countless dead animals and taking pictures with them, we made the monumental mistake of taking a walk down the alley with a certain fruit vendor who sold a certain pineapple to a certain me, giving me a certain food poisoning sickness that has been tormenting me since then. I guess the trip down that alley wasn't all bad, though. I did buy a really cool hat that I wear all over the place now.

This morning was when I woke up to find I was actually sick from the pineapple, and wasn't just suffering some stomach cramps from eating it too fast. I threw up in the shower... so that was fun. I had promised Deanna that I'd drum for the band today day, and was pretty determined to keep that promise. I ended up exhausting myself mid-way through the set-list and getting one of her friends (who is also a drummer) to take over for me. I spent most of the rest of the day sleeping and listening to some Christmas music.

I finally woke up a bit more around 3 o'clock or something, which was just in time to watch the rest of the fam decorate the Christmas tree. I could say I really wanted to join them in decorating, but honestly I enjoyed sitting there watching everyone else do the work instead of having to get involved much more. It sort of gave me a feeling of authority knowing that I wasn't helping anyone do anything, and they all still appreciated having me there. We watched Elf after, and everyone else ate pop corn. I was really annoyed that I couldn't eat any, but I guess I'd rather recover from this food poisoning illness than eat a few kernels of caramel diabetes.

It's now 9:32 PM, and I'm going to bed... Maybe I'll go watch some Sienfeld first. 'night

My Gorgeous Golden Nails (OMG!)

I will begin by firmly stating that I am NOT, in fact, gay. I actually am very strongly attracted to the female gender, and vice versa, many woman are very attracted to me.

About a month ago, I was chatting on a forum that I help run called "The Soda Shop" and for some reason we got on the topic of what the superior color would be to paint a certain user named "Kaida"'s nails. User Ben C. stated that "Coral" would be a good color, but seeing as coral is an undersea plant, not a color, I argued against Ben's opinions with the idea that maybe orange, or perhaps green might be a better choice. The discussion went on for some time, and got quite heated. Of course, being an administrator of the site, I new it was my duty to preserve the peace, so I attempted to redirect the conversation with the suggestion that I, myself, would look pretty good with a set of golden nails. This redirection of the conversation was a success! Now I no longer had to worry about people fighting, I just had to justify my statement without sounding like a liar, but also making sure I didn't end up looking like a flaming homosexual. Somehow, the conversation ended with me agreeing that if one of the other users would send me a container of gold nail polish, I would oblige by painting my nails.

Legit though. I was so down for this. YOLO. Long story short, he mailed it to me. I painted them. Pictures.

Also, a while ago I made a post about this wonderful mythical creature that I conjured up, tentatively named "the platycorn". In this post, I challenged anyone reading to draw their own picture of what they think one might look like, and I'd post it here. Only one person took me up on it, but it was epic. The following is the incredibly legit sketching of a platycorn portrayed by the wonderful "Angela Kalmar". Give it up folks!

The Music That Fills Up 96.6 Gb of My Hard Drive

Last I checked, my iTunes library sat somewhere around the length of 35 days long. That, plus a few dead files on my music folder add up to exactly 96.6 Gb of audio, taking up approxamately 21.7568 percent of my entire 444 Gb hard drive. That's all well and good, but who cares? Maybe not that many people. In fact, other than the slight chuckle you may have experienced while reading this and thinking about how much of a music nerd I must be, you probably weren't much more amused than if you were listening to my 11th grade english teacher talk about garunds. She was a decent teacher, but Grammar just isn't that interesting. Kind of like my life is about to be. After a summer chalked full of awesomeness (which I'll post about very soon) I'm now back on the road again, where the most interesting thing to do is... analyzing my computer iTunes library and listening habits. Hence, this article.

I've noticed that the music I have, and how I treat it can be broken down into about 5 catagories. The reason I feel it's necesary (or more, at least the way I justify writing an article about files on my computer) is because I think a lot of other people have simillar listening habits, and probably think about this kind of stuff too sometimes. I'm just here to let you know that you're not alone, I think about stupid stuff too. Either that, or I'm the only one who thinks about dumb stuff, and everyone else is normal. Anyway, catagory 1:

The music I love

This is the stuff that I've either just recently found out was totally awesome, and amd now listening to it constantly, or old classic stuff that you just never get tired of. Some of the albums that fit into this catagory for me are "Mmhmm" - Relient K, "The Silever Cord" and "Phoenix" - The Classic Crime, and "This Means War" - Attack Attack. These are all albums that I can pull out just any time of the week, no matter what mood I'm in and listen through them to just get me all happy inside. Likelyhood of any or all of these albums being on my iPod at any given time - 99%

The music that I listen to sometimes, but isn't really my favorite

There are a lot of albums that I own, that I like listening to sometimes, but I just can't digest them on a daily basis. I like to kind of keep them on the shelf for when I'm in the mood, and then ejoy them for what they are. it's sometimes harder listening to music like this though, because then you don't really get a chance to know all the words to the songs and stuff, and end up just not enjoying the listening experience as much. LIkelyhood that any or all of the albums in this catagory being found on my iPod at any given time - 70%

The music that I rarely listen to, but still keep on, because I may want to someday

You know those albums that you buy sometimes just because your friend suggested them to you, but you don't really care about that much? Or that band you went to see play live that one time, and got their album, but they sounded way better live? I do too.. These are the kinds of albums that tend to crowd my iTunes library a lot of times, and I usually overlook them when trying to find something to listen to. Sometimes it's good stuff even, but I'd rather listen to something that I really like. Likelyhood that any or all of the albums that fit in this catagory being found on my iPod at any given time - 30%

The music that I purchased, but haven't listened to yet

I don't know how many people have this problem, but recently I've found myself buying a lot of music. like, a LOT a lot. So much, that I can't even fit all of it on my iPod along with my other music that I already know I really like. So many times, I find myself scrolling through my iTunes library and seeing one of these albums and thinking "Hey, I was going to listen to that someday!". After that thought runs through my head, I generally will go grab my iPod and try to sync it up, only to find that it's already full and I'll have to delete some of the music that I hold so dearly to my heart off of it first before I can put on this new meterial. That generally leads to the heartwrenching, tear droppingly tramatic experience of trying to figure out which music I just need to "let go" of. After a few hours of chewing through my fingernails and crying my eyes out, I can usually find one or 2 albums that I'm willing to set free. Of course, I often then find out that the new music wasn't even that good anyway, and I could have just previewed it on my laptop speakers before commiting it to my pocket. Likelyhood that any or all of the albums that fit in this catagory being found on my iPod at any given time - 50%

The music I actually dispise, but I keep on my computer just to show people how horrible it is

There's a possibility that I'm the only one that does this, but I actually mantain a decent chunk of audio on my computer that I genuinly dispise listening to. Sometimes just because I can't bare parting with it because there's the slice of a possiblity that I may actually like the band someday. Other times because I simply need to keep it so I can show everyone in the world how awful the band is. Unfortunately, a lot of this music turns out to be stuff I made in the past. Likelyhood that any or all of the albums that fit in this catagory being found on my iPod at any given time - 20%

So that's it. That's my music. How do your various libraries compare?

Also, if it concerns anyone, here's a list of the various styles and genres of music that all of the music discussed above fits into (in no specific order).

Rock

Metal

Hardcore

Progressive hardcore/punk

Punk core

Djent Metal

Ambient core

Punk

Indie

Progressive Indie

Jazz

Folk

Progressive Folk/Alt Rock

Acid Jazz

Dance

Trance

Electronic

Electro-punk

Dubstep

Slowstep

Metal / classical

Worship

Rap core/crunk

ska

Heavy Rock

Classic Rock

Poetry/Spoken word

Indie Folk

Trip-Hop

Pop

Drumstep

Heavy Electronic

Soundtrack

Videogame

Reggae/heavy rock/rapcore

Acoustic

Easy listening

Comedy

Childrens Music

Minipost - LOVE 2

Last Saturday evening I just finished reading what I now believe to be one of the most astonishingly well written parallels to the concept of true love that has ever been written. C.S. Lewis’s “Perelandra” proverbially “Took the words right out of my mouth” when it comes to my thoughts on what love is. I’ve tried to explain it to many people through different stories, but this fantastically crafted tale displayed it so well and in so many relatable forms that it would be hard for anyone to walk away from this book without a better understanding of God’s true purpose in temptation, sin, and its converse: Love.

I did my best to try to explain the concept of love in a previous blog post, but I ended up (accidentally) abusing my own story to cover up for one of my own misconceptions. After I wrote the original post, I had a long conversation with my older sister about it and she straightened me out a bit. I had planned on writing another post to explain the faultiness of my first example (and did), but even after explaining it, I don’t think I really did the concept justice.

The truth is, I could spend another couple months typing out all my thoughts on what true love is, and what God’s intention for it was in us, but that would be pointless, since all of my thoughts can already be displayed in a single book, written and explained in far more detail and clarity than I could even dream to. This book, Perelandra, is simply amazing. Read it now. C.S. Lewis, I salute you.

“It is like a fruit with a very thick shell… The joy of our meeting when the we meet again in the great dance is the sweet of it… If we had listened to (the evil one) we should now be trying to get at that sweet without biting through the shell…. And so it would not be ‘That sweet’ at all” – C.S. “Jack” Lewis in Perelandra

DALLAS

The journey there

This last Friday, began one of the most amazing and exciting adventures I’ve experienced in my life: “The Adventures in Odyssey Live show”. The air travel alone would have been exciting enough to make me want to post something on here, but getting to meet and shake the hand of these voices that I’ve grown up listening to was simply awesome.

I’ll skip past the most of my trip to the airport and whatnot, since that’s not really the most interesting part. My favorite part starts right after I landed, so that’s where I’ll begin:

When I arrived in Dallas, for some reason I was expecting a quaint little old west’y type of town with a few horses and some cowboys and stuff… I couldn’t have been more wrong. When we landed, I was astounded to find myself surrounded by hundreds of sky scrapers and stadiums knitted together by this maze they call “the highway”. Never before have I been caught in such a tangled mess of roads so obviously inspired by Italian pasta. It was a preverbal “spaghetti junction”, as my good friend Eugene would say.

After getting hopelessly lost for a couple life times, we finally arrived at the first event of the day at Mardel’s bookstore about 2 hours late. I don’t think we missed too much, since I still got a chance to talk to Will Ryan, and harass the Mr. Whittakker puppet a bit (who actually turned out to be Bob Smithouser). After having a great time meeting and catching up with some friends from Focus on the Family, we decided to go get some rest before the big show the next day.

The next morning around 9 AM, we all began to slowly drift back in to the real world, and out of the state of unconsciousness. The day was christened with the nostalgic listening to of a couple Odyssey episodes, and a few old TCF bloopers that hadn’t ever been shared before. We had a lot of fun with that, too much perhaps, because we almost ended up being late for the show.

The show (article for the Adventures in Odyssey Scoop blog)

June 16^th, 2012 the AIO live show (This article DOES contain spoilers, so be warned!)

When Kevin, his sister and I pulled into the parking lot around 20 minutes before the show was to start, we were surprised to see how incredibly vast the venue was. The church itself was practically the size of a football field crossed with a couple concert halls. We were even more excited to see almost all 3,000 of the seats (in both shows) in the auditorium packed with enthusiastic fans.

The show began with the two hosts we’ve all come to know and love from the Official AIO podcast (Bob Smithouser and Jesse Florea) introducing the show. Considering the idea that the whole thing was a “Birthday Bash” for Odyssey’s 25^th birthday, they decided to kick off the event with a birthday cake, and a larger than life birthday card signed by hundreds of fans.

Soon after the devouring of said cake (which I didn’t get to partake in, unfortunately) Chuck Bolte took the stage and systematically introduced the actors in order of relevance to the show. When all nine actors had arrived on stage, and director Nathn Hoobler gave the signal, the lights went down to begin one of the most entertaining stage events I’ve been to in a long time.

The first scene started out, already flaunting the impressive skill of the production team, with Dave and his son Landon Arnold masterfully operating the miniaturized stage edition of “the foley room”. It was incredible getting to see so much of what goes into making an episode of Odyssey all in real time.

The story seemed normal enough in the beginning; however, as the show went on, the script started to get more and more, well… strange. I was a little confused at first, wondering how they could get away with letting a villain from the captain absolutely comics escape from KYDS radio and begin attacking all sources of art throughout history via the Imagination station. It seemed a little far fetched for Odyssey. After the show got closer to the end, though, I didn’t really care how "out there" the story was, because it gave the cast and crew so many opportunities to show just what the team was capable of.

In a breathtaking (and even more ridiculously silly) finale sequence where the entire town was blown to smithereens by an atomic bomb, I was finally and hilariously reassured that Odyssey was still the same show I’d come to know and love when the line came out of Jess/Wooton’s mouth: “so anyway Mr. Whittaker, that was my dream”. Incredibly cliché, but it had everyone in the entire audience rolling on the floor.

The show was filled to the brim with stunning audio and visual effects and hilarious dialogue. I don’t think I’ve ever laughed so much at an Odyssey episode in my life (I also never knew Dave Arnold could tap dance!). Everything about the show was as good as I could have imagined it to be, and judging by what I saw of the footage from the last live show, a million times more fantastical. The venue, the acting, the writing, the production, everything about the show was top notch, and really showed the world how talented the team behind the show is, and just how much fun the actors have in the studio.

My only negative comment, and I’m not even really sure it should be considered “negative”, is that the show overall was quite a bit more silly and over the top than you’d normally expect in and Adventures in Odyssey episode. But really, I’m glad it was. It gave the cast and crew so much more of an opportunity to have fun with the episode, and keep the crowd involved.

I guess if I were “rating” it, I’d give it a 9.9/10. (I would have rated it 10/10, but I had to take a point off for the one line Will messed up on. That’s right Mr. Ryan, you can’t just get away with stuff like that. :P)

After the show

In the hours in between and after shows, I was very surprised and excited to see how many fans of The Ceiling fan and the ScoopCast came up to both me and Kevin wanting our autographs and pictures with us. It was such an honor to be there with all these famous actors, and having people recognize US, fans of the show, and wanting to have their pictures with us and stuff. I’ve never really had people recognize me from something I’ve done on the internet before, so I was super excited to have people knowing who I was.

I got plenty of chances to interview lots of fans, and even some of the crew about the show. It was such a blast meeting so many people all at once who are interested in the same things I am. I also met quite a few creative people who also do stuff on the internet. I ran into some really cool guys from Youtube under the username “Blimeycow” who do a show called “Messy Mondays”, you may have seen their video about homeschoolers. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xJHt-m3VX6o

I’ll add a link a video blog of mine and Kevin’s journey’s as soon as he finishes editing it. 

@#$%!

Finally, the full blog post you've all been waiting for/dreading!

Let me first start of this post by saying that I will no longer be following the original format that I made for myself. I’m not often inspired to write anymore now that I’m not required to for school, so when I am, I don’t feel like restricting myself with some stupid set of writing rules.

Let me also mention this before I get into what I really wanted to talk about in this post:

In my last post, I told a story about the love of God, and then I mentioned at the bottom as an “edit” saying that I didn’t entirely agree with myself on that point anymore and that I would post again soon explaining why. I’m going to do that now.

The story I told, was actually a pretty good representation of the way I feel about the subject of God’s Love, or really just “love” at all. The thing was, I used that story to explain away the highs and lows of my relationship with him. I was trying to say that my love to God meant more because I still chose to read my Bible even when I wasn’t that close or inspired to talk to God. I said that I was glad that I wasn’t always in that super close relationship to God because it made me work harder to love him, thus: making my love mean more to him. After talking with my oldest sister, I realized how incredibly silly that idea was, and laughed at myself for thinking it. *sigh* Ahh past self, what an idiot you were. 

Anyway, I realized that God doesn’t want us to go through those “spiritual lows” where we aren’t as passionate about him and stuff. He wants us to be in that place where he’s our closest friend 60/60/24/7/52/10/10/10! (sixty seconds a minute, sixty minutes an hour, twenty four hours a day, seven days a week, fifty two weeks a year, ten years a decade, ten decades a century, ten centuries a millennium!)  Anyway, that’s it. On with my real post.

Here we go. Sorry for taking so long, but what the #%$@, who really gives a $#@! Anyway? I can start any time I #$%@ well please thank you very #$%@ing much.

Are you offended yet? Yeah, maybe, but at least I’ve got your attention.

About a year ago, I began to allow myself to use some language that most Christians wouldn’t consider to be very “holy”. I honestly couldn’t see any problem with it, since I didn’t really see anywhere in the Bible that it said that it was wrong. I just figured “As long as I don’t say anything like this around people who are all strict about this sort of thing, I’ll be fine. I just don’t want it to become part of my vocabulary”. I didn’t really see any problem with it other than other people thinking I was “immoral” or something because it went against their personal convictions.

 After that, I began living by that rule, “to never let it become part of my vocabulary”. The thing is, no matter how hard you try, it gets harder and harder to not be affected by something the more you open up yourself to it.

 I since I made that rule for myself, I began to listen to a lot of music that contained such language. Read a lot of media that contained that kind of language, and talk to a lot of people that used that kind of language. Like I said though, after a while it became harder to keep that more vulgar version of the English language from melding with my own version. I began to get all these songs stuck in my head, humming along to them. The other day, in fact I thought to myself “Man, it’s a good thing I’m only humming, or else all these people would think I’m some sort of heathen with all this ‘bad’ language”.

You may be saying to yourself now “Ok, that’s great, but what does that matter to you Garrett (you flipping pagan), I thought you just said you didn’t think it was a sin or anything?”. Well, that brings us to now.

 I’ve been thinking a lot tonight about this dilemma of how to keep enjoying media that contained this language that wasn’t accepted by “my people”, and still not using that language myself. I’ve never said anything among my family that would be considered overly vulgar, but I had a few times around other people that didn’t really know me that much. I didn’t really even care that much at the time either, but I was just thinking about it tonight. Even though I don’t really find these words so offensive to myself, if I used them around anyone else at all, either their view of me would change, or their view of ‘cussin’ would change. I would be an influence either way.

If my previous philosophy were correct, that still probably wouldn’t matter to me. But I’ve now come to realize something: this language of vulgarities isn’t only considered offensive among Christian circles. It is, in fact, a way of being rebellious in nearly all social settings. Even though it may not be considered a sin, the initial idea when you begin to swear as a young teen is that you want to break some rules. You want to be known as someone who makes their own choices, and not just some kiddie who only does what his parents tell him. It seems like it the rebellious attitude behind the language that’s the real problem here.

So that’s what I was doing, in those situations where I would use this language around maturing young people. I’d be planting a spirit of rebellion when I’m supposed to be the ultra-sheltered goodie-goodie preachers kid, I was the cause of a spirit of rebellion against authority.

In light of this (and a few other Bible verses), I deductively reasoned out that I should cut off my intake of vulgar media. This media includes (but is not limited to) all my music on my computer with such language (I truly will miss you Ben Folds, you were an inspiration to me musically and in song writing style). I’m not sure how far I’m going to take this yet… I’m going to have to do some more thinking and praying… Either way, thanks to that stinkin’ old Bible of wisdom and and junk, I just lost a butt load of my favorite music. Thanks a lot God for being so perfect and wise and stuff or whatever. Gosh.

Recap: I'm not keeping music with vulgar language in my musical library any more because of the influence it may have on people who falsely assume that I am a good role-model.

Until next time. 

                                                                                                   - Garrett 

(Is this weird? I don't remember if I used to sign posts or not. Oh well. Maybe it'll be a thing now. We'll see)

MAGIC

I've been thinking about this a lot recently:

We all know that the two most magical animals on the planet (unicorns and platypi) were created as hybrids between other animals (duck/beaver, horse/norwall).

Since the conception of these two angelic beasts, the world has been a brighter place. But imagine with me for a moment, something even more magical than either the unicorn or the platypus. I present to you, the "platycorn". A combination of them both.

(Feel free to send me your own picture of a platycorn, but don't expect me to use it here, since I'm obviously the best artist that will ever exist in the history of this planet.)

There you are world, thanks to me you are a more perfect place. My only remaining goal in life is to hunt down a choice specimen of both of these wonderful speices and breed my very own flock of platycornen. I'm just not sure if I'll have to take a course in mythical husbendry first. I shall update you when I am more informed.

Post script:
I tried the name "unipus", but it sounded far more like a new gender than a magical animal with the power of rainbows and webbed feet. "Platycorn" is far more descriptive, and sounds flashier too.

Late Night Thoughts that Make Very Little Sense - with Garrett Vandenberg

Have you ever noticed how pickles are the ONLY vegetable that actually taste good pickled? Pickles are amazing, which is why it baffles me so much that genius who decided to start the whole trend of pickling stuff had to go and ruin his own quite obviously divinely inspired idea by taking it 7 steps too far. Who in this WORLD actually wants to eat a pickled tomato, or a pickled beet? Who in their right mind even wants to eat a beet in the first place? What's wrong with you?!

That was only the beginning though. I've heard horrible tales of so called "chefs" who have abused this method of enriching the taste of vegetables to the extent that they've dropped the idea of using it exclusively on vegetables altogether. Have any of you heard tell of the despicable substance (and I shutter to even ask)  known as "pickled pig's feet"?

Even the idea of that phrase, is more than just animal cruelty; It's a disgrace to humanity. I ask you, fellow breathers of oxygen: Can we live with ourselves anymore when our very own race has defiled our planet with this substance? I don't think so ladies and gentlemen. I DON'T THINK SO.

Anyway... I really do need to sleep.

#POOPLOL

In my continuous journey of searching for Bible truth, and revising my worldview as I come across more, I have come to this realization: Though the Bible may be against making sexual jokes, I can find nowhere where it condemns the usage of poop jokes. 

In light of this fact, I hereby announce that poop jokes, shall officially be my new primary default source of humor when I can't think of something sufficiently ironic or outrageous.

(If you can find me a verse in the Bible that convincingly proves me wrong, you get a free pony)

Also, poop.
- Garrett Vandenberg

FULL BLOG POST COMING SOON. YAY

LOVE

My life (and also some random stuff that I read in school that may or may not interest you as well)

What I learned in Canadian Lit today: back in the ol' days, PDA was so unacceptable that if you were caught kissing your WIFE in public, you'd be put in stalks for a few days. Sounds fine right? Yo have to wear socks for a few days? Yeah, no. These are stocks. http://clio.missouristate.edu/chuchiak/New%20Webpage%20Images/Stocks.JPG The worst part is, this wasn't just a stupid law that no one followed. Guys actually got caught on charges of PDA and put in these things for days. If your legs were too big to fit in them, they didn't care, you'd just have to deal with it and hope your legs didn't fall off. 

So my conclusion is: The 1500-1600's sucked. 

This was just one of the Levitical laws that they completely over-interpreted. They took many other laws from that book and over exaggerated them in a similar stupid with similar stupid punishments. They lived by this deal called "theocracy". Basically, they pretend their government was ruled by God himself, which would have been a good idea if their theology of God himself wasn't so screwed up. *sigh* Oh people of England in the 1600's, you were so dumb...

My spiritual life (CORY ASBURY IS DA BOMB)

Just a few days ago, I got back from FreshWind youth conference in Toronto. It was amazing (Cory Asbury was there! HECK YEAHZ!). It was kind of that “spiritual energy drink” that I needed.

But the question I ask myself now is this: How long with this “spiritual high” last? I’ve been inspired, and have worked hard on my spiritual life before, but I never seem to stay in that exact state where it’s just easy to spend time in God’s presents. Somehow, I don’t think it’ll be any different this time.

Man, I must sound like such a downer right now, just talking about how even though I was just inspired I’m already preparing for that inspiration to leave. But I don’t look at this as a negative thing. Sure, inspiration is awesome, and it’s definitely a necessary part of the Christian walk, but I’m actually really happy that being a Christian isn’t easy. Let me explain with an example.

Let’s say there were two people: Henry and Bob. Ok sorry, those are awful names. How about “Hercules” and “Everett”? Better? Great.

Both of our two friends reached a point in their lives where they began looking for companionship. On one hand, we’ve got Everett. He was a fairly nice person, but his real strength was computers. One day Everett decided to begin a project to create a robotic companion; someone with whom he could share his ideas, or play mini-put. He worked on it hard for over a year, but finally it was done. He had a friend to call his own. A friend he could control and make love him. He decided to test out his new artificial friend by going on a trip to Jamaica. They had fun, surfing and bungee jumping and whatnot. Anyway, let’s move on to the more important guy in this story.

So Hercules was a really great guy, also looking for a partner to live his life with. One day met a really nice girl. They got married and went on a honeymoon to Jamaica. It was great, they spent all day hanging out at the beach and stuff. All in all, a really healthy relationship.

One morning while in Jamaica, both Hercules and Everett had a similar idea. They both decided to go out and purchase a gift for their corresponding partners. They both got up early in the morning, and got into a taxi. The same taxi actually (Yes, they get around via taxi in this part on Jamaica. Shut up).

While being driven to the local market they ended up in a horrible accident, and both of their faces were mutilated being recognition. When they woke up from their comas, they were so beastly ugly, the hospital staff wouldn’t let in their companions at first, but both Hercules’s wife, and Everett’s Robot argued so hard and passionately that they finally let them come into the rooms where they were being treated.

The two bodies were completely and totally covered in bandages. Fortunately too, since underneath, they were broken bloodied messes. Both destined to be paraplegic “beasts” for the rest of their days.

When Hercules’s wife first saw him, she couldn’t even bring herself to fully believe

who it was. But when he opened his mouth and began to speak, she knew it was him.

“You don’t really want me anymore. I’m disgusting. I’m totally broken. I’m not the man you married”. In disregard of his totally dis-figured face, she embraced him and told him

“No! That’s not true! I love you more than anything! I’ll never let you go!” (yada yada yada, more mushy crap.. So basically, she still loves him even though it’s going to be really hard, and she’s going to have to take care of him like a baby for the rest of her life).

On the other side of the room, our buddy Everett was hanging out with his pet robot. He quickly did some minor adjustments to his robot’s personality, and his partner once again accepted him.
          “I love you. I will take care of all your needs. I will never let you go” (in generic monotone robot speak, obviously).

THE END

Wasn’t that touching? Ok no. Kind of weird probably. But look at both of those relationships. The bond between a healthy relationship of a man and his bride is beautiful because she chooses to accept him (hard as it may be). The bond between the man and his robot is flat, and boring since his robot has no choice, and it is not difficult for it to accept him since it has no preference.

If your relationship with God were the same as one of these two, which would you prefer? Would you rather have no choice, and no difficulty accepting your partner (like the robot)? Or would you rather choose your companion out of love (like the woman). Even if it was hard, Even though she wouldn’t be as successful in life, Even though she’d have to spend the rest of her life working to support her husband, she chose to accept him out of love.

God chose the second option. He didn’t want his creation to simply love him because they had to. He wanted to make it difficult, so it MEANT something. And it does! I’m glad God makes it difficult to love and trust him, because then he knows so much more how much I really DO love him when I put my trust him.


[EDIT]

I feel like I need to explain myself, and slightly change my "view" on this subject. But.... i'm really lazy and it's 1:41 AM... So I'll just write a super long blog post again soon and you can all hear about how much God's love is awesome, and how I'm trying to understand it better.

My stuff (that I record and produce... for other people usually)

So I'm finally trying to start this space show that I've been wanting to do since early 2011/late2010. If it all works out the way I want it to, we'll start airing episodes this summer (on the internet) and will hopefully air on some radio stations too. Again, if it all works out the way I want, the first season will be around 11 episodes long (including a shortish pilot episode to introduce the show and the characters). Almost all of the scripts are written, and just need some polishing up, but most of them need some finishing up. Some of them are just outlines or even ideas that haven't been turned into scripts yet. I hope this all works out, because the scripts we do have are pretty awesome. Don't get too worked up about how awesome it's going to be, because I'm still not sure of details and how everything's going to work out, but I really hope it does so everything can be awesome and stuff. It'll be awesome. Hopefully.

Also I'm done AE’s new demo that I was working on for the last ever. You can download a free single from it here : http://tinyurl.com/cxco7q9

Soooo stinking bored....

My Boring Life (and other things that upset me in this time of being lame and depressed and stuff because of being ill)

So now I'm really angry and sad. I've been sick since Sunday, which has sucked a lot. I basically just spent the days being really bored and watching lots of tv shows. I spent the whole week looking forward to finally feeling better and being able to go to youth; that beautiful place where I could finally be social again and be with my friends. Alas, the infamous "Friday" has arrived, and I'm still sick. I'm not allowed to go to youth because I'm too likely to get everyone else there sick. Screw them, they can all get sick if they want! Then we can all be sick and miserable together.... *siiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiighh* Now I'm back to being incredibly bored again.... So this is awesome. 

Ok, I'm done ranting about how annoyed I am that I'm sick and am having such a hard time getting better. Grrrrr.

...

...

I also have nothing else to write about. ON TO THE NEXT BIT.

My Spiritual life (and how I'll probably make you feel guilty for being almost as bad as me in it's upkeep)

Just the other day I started praying for some of my unsaved friends, and I remember saying something like "help him to see that there's so much more to life than just the simple earthly pleasures". I stopped after saying that, and thought about what I was saying. I wanted my friends who don't even know God to begin to understand something that I don't even grasp that well. I got down again and started praying the same prayer again, but this time about myself.

I get caught up so often in my own short sighted goals. I focus on little things that bring earthly pleasure all the time. It's so easy. The uphill journey to have an afterlife focused mind is a lot more steep than I always expect it to be. I feel like I'm making progress sometimes, so I just kind of let myself coast for a while. Coasting in your Christianity is never really a good idea, since you end up coasting in the wrong direction. 

Focus on God. Even though it's harder, it's worth it!

My stuff (usually just an update about how far I am in the production of that AE album)

I'm almost done that AE album.

We just finally took down almost all of the excess musical stuff that was set up in the loft. The Vocals are all recorded, all the electric guitars are recorded. I just need to record the acoustic guitars for one song, and we should be set. Just a little bit of mixing and mastering and it'll be ready to ship out for their first show. Of course, they'll still need to burn a couple hundred copies, print the label on, and put 'em in cases. I don't think that should be too hard, since the current plan is to pay my little brother to do it.

In other news, I'm helping out on another music project with a friend of mine who lives in the states. I'll give you some more details when I get them, but I think it'll be a lot of fun when it gets going.

OVER THE ICE AND THOUGH THE HOOD

MY LIFE (AND ALL THE OTHER FUN STUFF)

As of yesterday evening, we've finally arrived in said remote community that is still yet to be named- by me at least. I’m sure it was one, but as we all know, I’m not really much for details.

Ice road = driven across, no problems. I wasn’t half as scared as I thought I was going to be; mostly because the ice turned out to be literally 4 feet thick. No risk of sinking there, at least, unless you’re driving an obese motorized blue whale, which we weren’t (thankfully).

We weren’t sure where we were staying until literally the minute we started staying there. We’ve bunked up in a kind couple’s cabin. Again, I don’t know their names currently so, for now they shall be known as “Steve 0.5” and “Steve 0.5’s wife” (They would have gotten “Steve 2.0” and “Steve 2.0’s wife”, but nobody achieves a higher numeral than that guy without at least planting a few churches. Hey, the guy set the bar high, what do you expect me to do about it?). They foster a young girl named Angelina, who literally has no other facial expressions than “MASSIVELY CUTE SMILE MODE”. It’s impossible to look at her and not be happy.

MY SPIRITUAL LIFE (AND EVERYONE ELSE’S. WHY DO I HAVE TO GET ALL THE ATTENTION?)

Ok, now for the heavy stuff. I want to ask right now that you stop whatever you’re doing and get ready to pray, because you’re going to feel like it after reading the next few paragraphs.

This place is screwed up. Not just screwed like “Hey, this place is kinda’ messed up” screwed up. It’s more “Hey, This place makes Sodom and Gomorra look like a nursery run by the Brady Bunch” screwed up. Homosexuality is rampant, Young girls are mothers by the time they’re 12 or younger. The church is in total anarchy. The suicide rate is higher here than any other area of Canada. The government would be more just if it were run by my 3 year old sister. There are more illegal drugs being passed around here then a- ok I can’t think of a good metaphor that isn’t incredibly racist, but you get the idea.

This kind of crap happens all over the place, but even in the church, they’ve had to replace the pastors I don’t even remember how many times because they were sleeping around, or the people simply decide they don’t like the way they teach. The worst part is; there doesn’t seem to be an answer. There isn’t a simple fix for this place. Even if they had a whole team of missionaries come in, it would take years to straighten these people out.

I don’t say that to make you feel bad about where you live, and how great you have it. Scratch that, I do. Feel bad if it makes you pray more! Anyone and everyone that has two knees and is acquainted with our heavenly daddy would do well to get down on them for a god hour and pray for these people. My dad and I will do our part, but there’s going to be any real changes made here, there’s going to have to be some serious Divine intervention going on.

That’s it. I’m done. I dare you not to at least get on your knees just for a second to pray for these people before you read on. Go on. I’ll wait.

MY STUFF

Still working on a few things since I’ve been out here; nothing in the last two days, since we’ve been driving and stuff, but I did do a pretty cool cover of “All the Right Moves” by One Republic the other day. I’ll get back on the “production work” pony’s back when I get home. Now, I rest for a few days.

There are also two possibilities for this March, that’ll be pretty exciting.

POSSIBLE – I’ll be playing guitar, and singin’ a little bit with my buddies “Atmosphere’s End” on March 30^th.

ALSO POSSIBLE- I’ll be going somewhere else to do something I probably can’t tell you about as of the current moment. Trust me though, it’ll be huge. If this happens, I’ll probably also unfortunately have to skip out on the AE show, so sad face. That’s all I can really tell you until I find out more on Tuesday.

Last thing I should also mention that could also end up being pretty big. Not necessarily so much for me as my good friend “Tracy Lynn Holland”. The current plan is that within the next couple of weeks, we’ll meet up (In real life!) and do some acting (In real Technicolor!) of some scene (by a real writer who at this moment should also remain nameless). Sorry for all the secrets. Did I mention I’m a spy by the way? Yeah.

OR AM I?

Bye

BORED.... A LITTLE BIT

MY LIFE (AND I'M TO LAZY TO THINK OF SOMETHING ELSE TO WRITE HERE)

Wednesday, Feb 15th

It's been a few days since I last updated the world on what I'm doing. Main reason: I haven't been doing a whole lot. On Sunday, there was supposed to be 2 services, but people just didn't come to the first one, which was fun. The same thing happened on the Friday before as well. As far as the current plan (which may change at literally any second, I'll keep you posted) is concerned, we'll be heading out to a REALLY remote reserve on Friday, but until then we just get to hang out here.

We're still at the church, and I still have no blemishes in my perfect Foose-Ball winning streak. Though my dad is a fantastic Ping-Pong player, he's got nothing on me when it comes to this wonderful game.

The days are kind of long, and are beginning to fall into a sort of format. Two actually.

Format 1 - My dad finds some mechanical work to do for someone, and is gone before I get up. He doesn't arrive home until late evening, and I pretty much sit around all day either writing music, or listening to it (after completing my daily allotment of home-school of course). The day ends with us watching a movie on the wall without projector while devouring a plethora of unhealthy food items.

Format 2 - My dad doesn't find anyone to help, and stays at the church to make phone calls. All else remains the same as Formula 1.

Sounds great right? Sure, but even so I am getting a bit bored, and kind of lonely, especially on the days when my dad goes out all day.

Oh, I should also mention that Desmond has been hanging out with us nearly every day since his conversion. Usually we'll either play a game, watch a movie, or my dad will spend time teaching hime stuff from the Bible. It's great to see him growing.

MY SPIRITUAL LIFE (DITTO)

No massive changes, although me and my dad have been praying together more since we've been here, and that's nice.

I have been reading through this book for school called "what is truth". Seriously though, most well written textbook I've ever had the privilege of reading. It's not just like they sit there and tell you information. It's written in the form of a novel, or more, a debate room filled with people of different worldviews: a round table discussion about the flaws and strong points of various worldviews, which is literally right up my alley. (I used to spend a lot of time debating in online forums, especially about various worldviews, since obviously Christianity is something I feel strongly about.)

There are a set of 9 characters (and I haven't learned what all of their viewpoints are yet) but one is Hindu, another Buddhist, another Humanist, another Christian, and there are three kids in the room that basically just ask questions.

It's been awesome seeing them battle it out, all with very strong arguments. It's nice to be able to hear what both sides have to say when it comes to these types of things being taught in school. Obviously though, the writers are Christian, and it is written with a small bias, but not half as much as I would have expected. If you haven't read this book (and I'm almost positive you haven't) and are at all interested in this sort of thing, you simply must take the time to read through it. (If you live close by me, maybe I can lone it to you)

MY STUFF (...)

‘Still working on music, although not quite as much as the first few days. I've shifted from dubstep to trying to asquint myself better with dance and straight up electronic. I'll be sure to post something at some point again with the progress I've made.

I've also started trying to write a little bit of "real" music, (with words and stuff) but we'll see how that goes...

FAREWELL

UNTIL I'M BORED ENOUGH TO WRITE AGAIN.

No seriously, I'm done. No part two this time.